Who hasn't sat in front of the television eating the best of the forbidden fruits. I am talking about Ice cream, chocolate, hot Cheetos, pickles, and Jelly beans, to begin with. I am one of those little piggies who munch away the bumps on the road of today. I have asked myself why, as I try to not kick myself for it later.
One of these reasons, which I am sure I share with many other people, is the way we grew up. I don't know about you all, but when I was little, and I got hurt or upset my mom would give me a teaspoon of sugar. I don't know if it was psychological, or just the effects of a sugar rush, but the boo boos seemed to be lessened by sweets. Did you ever get a lollipop after getting your shots at the doctor's office? Yes, sugar is awesome, makes everything better.
One of my own reasons, is my family was a little nuts. Get ready for a long story around a small point I will be making. You see, I lost my mom when I was a child, and ended up living in another country, with family. I first lived with a cousin, and her husband. There was a house rule, the kitchen was off limits unless directed to go get something. Yes meals were cooked and we ate at a specific time every day. We ate what was served, and said please and thank you. (Yes, unheard of now days). I was allowed a glass of milk and two cookies for breakfasts, no school lunch. Then dinner, and lastly, a glass of milk and two cookies before bed. I was always a little hungry, so sometimes I would steal bits of food. Later on, I went to live with one of my aunts, and the rules remained the same.
At 18 I had already had a job for at least a year, and I was finally earning a paycheck. I contributed to the household, and I was grateful to have a place to live. I used my money to buy small pieces of bread for myself, lots of bubblegum, and started buying clothes for work. I also started taking Tae Kwon Do for self defense. I really didn't know any better, I had never been allowed choices. When I turned 18, I asked if I could move out and live on my own. I was met with reprimands and was made to feel terrible guilt for leaving because they needed me to help take care of my grandma. I was told I was not allowed to leave. So this is what I want to share with you.
When you reach a point in life, where you feel stagnant, and not productive, you end up unhappy and somewhat numb. The gray clouds start closing in, and eventually you can't see the light anymore. This is when you need to gather all your strength and courage, this is where you use your best prayers, and make a move. Change is terrible because it hurts, but without the pain, you cannot grow. If you cannot grow, you wither, and then you are not able to help others or even yourself. I felt that way, so I put on several layers of clothes as I could. Grabbed a couple of bags with my things, and left the house before the sun came up. I walked slowly down the street, and there was a heaviness, a general heaviness that did not come from the bags I was carrying. Even my feet felt heavy, so I walked faster, my heart was going so fast, it felt like I had been jogging for an hour. I was so upset, and the sudden understanding that I am now alone crept up on me. I was totally and utterly alone. Freedom can be intimidating, and I had no idea. I took a taxi to the bed and breakfast I would be staying at. I was working there on the office side, and my boss lady had offered me a place to stay if I needed it. I remember telling the taxi driver I had just run away from home, I don't remember what he said exactly, but it was along the lines of "keep your head up, and if you know you are doing the right thing, keep going". I had no idea that telling a stranger you ran away from home was dangerous, I was lucky he was a good man.
The first time going to the grocery store and being able to buy whatever I wanted for dinner, I picked the largest Hershey bar I could find, and a bottle of coke. As usual, sugar was my best friend.
Well, the funny thing now, is that I hoard foods. I am a grown adult, and I go buy foods to make sure I don't run out. I have so much stashed a bit here and there. If you check my backpack I take to work, there are pop tarts, granola bars, candy; and only God knows what else is lurking in the depths of my purse. Even as I am strange about food, if I see that you are hungry, I would share my food with you, anyone who knows me knows that.
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